Yup. It's back. I have been doing so well at work for 4 months now that I've taken on much more responsibility including some management. My mind loves it, my body doesn't. I've been through this so many time with my past 2 jobs and I just can't figure out the balance. The Ying/Yang. More than anything I think the negativity at these jobs just pushes me over the limit.
My Boss was away this week so I was in charge of 11 people. 11 people who are working somewhere they don't want to be and are unfulfilled. 11 people who just complain all day about the heavy workload and the lack of help they get from other departments. All of which is true, but, hey, complain to management, not the fill in manager. I'm one of those people who everyone wants to talk to because I am a good listener. I listen. So I take on their stress and it just multiplies in my body.
I've got to find a way to manage stress and not let it send me into a MS Flare or make me feel so bad that I start missing too much work and loose my job. I've not lost a job yet, but did have to quit my last one because I couldn't take it. My mind can pretty much handle everything, it's the body that can't. It all starts the same way, GERD acts up, then my blood pressure rises, then anxiety attacks. The GERD has been happening for weeks now, I of course just ignore it and try to change my diet and hope it goes away. NOT. This week my BP was high several days and I get migraines because of it. last night it was 156/110, night before 170/99 - you get the idea. However, I don't want to do a BP Pill because I know it is just stress induced. Wed, Thurs and Fri I had to take an anxiety pill to calm myself down and lower my BP (nice side effect).
So, today I called my Boss told him how it was and that I would not be into work today. I am not superwoman. I feel I can be mentally, but even wonder woman needs to rest. So, Monday he and I will have a chat and discuss my role going forward and how I DO NOT want to be a manager in any way shape or form. That simple.
Has anyone ever experienced similar symptoms? And you just know things aren't going to get better till you make a change? It is so rewarding to be back at work, however, my health has been on the decline due to stress since I got back in the work force. I know it, I ignore it as long as I can and now we are back to the vicious cycle or circle. I'm not being negative about it, it's just the way it is. So what changes can I make this time to NOT be another few months down the road and have to quit again. Because my husband is still unemployed so quitting (which I DO NOT want to do) is not even an option. Heck just TODAY we finally have health insurance again. I'm open to suggestions here! Tell me your experience with Stress, Work, Life and suggestions you have. :)
Maybe I need a stress ball... hehe
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